Man Seeks Compensation For Stupid Career Choice

REUTERS:MAY23,2012: Jimbleton Thornswipe of New Jersey, Texas, has announced his intention to press legal suit against his parents, the New Jersey City Education System, Texas A&M, Penny Furholtz, and the FOX Broadcasting Network, for encouraging, glamorizing, paying for, pressuring, or otherwise helping Mr. Thornswipe to become a lawyer.

Says Mr. Thornswipe: “Everybody told me being a lawyer would be great. Make tons of money and go on expensive vacations — right? But all I ever do is work, work, work, all the time. This fucking sucks.”

Mr. Thornswipe is suing his college sweetheart, Ms. Furholtz, in a related case, because she promised to marry him if he became a lawyer, but according to her, changed her mind because, “He totally turned into such a major douchebag after school.”

Finally, Mr. Thornswipe is suing the FOX Broadcasting Network to remove all reruns of Ally McBeal from the air, citing it as a “gateway TV show, glamorizing the stupid, fucking legal profession.”

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